I am really really tired this week. So tired to the extent that I can dooze off while playing typing manic. It is suppose to keep me awake and focus, but its not helping this time.

Today SSM was crazy, I guess mr goh is going to hate us for life. My team almost got chased out of TCC. Shall not go into details, I guess I will type till i dooze off again.

Training ytd was crazy. My body was already dead tired, and I thght I could take it, so went to do cardio for 30min before training. Even before training started, I was grumpy and tired. Training started, and it was all on stunts for the seniors.

I can't do everything tt I was suppose to do. 1. Extention lib 2. PROPER ELEVATOR 3. Basket toss 4. LOCKING.

What the hell!!! I'm in cheer for 2 years and I still cant do my basics right. Doing my conditioning everynight even when I'm dead tired for?I'm not progressing. (but I wont stop because of this reason) I really have no confidence in myself to stunt. Each time seniors stunt, there is this part of me tt wants to run away cause I know I cannot do it. But I know if i nvr try, I will nvr do it. When I do, I disappoint everyone, and I am holding everyone back in their progression. Like ytd, just to help me practice extention lib and elevator, the whole team of seniors have to stand arnd and spot, when they can do like b-toss or 2-2-1.

I'm too weak to stunt now with no muscle strength. But do i still have time to train up my strength before I can stunt. Will it be too late? Then wd, I missed last year nationals cause I focus on losing my weight tt I didnt train stunts. Then this year I'm going to miss nationals cause I need to train up my strength.

I'm super tired now. I just want to stop doing everything and slp all my tiredness away. Even I really want to rest, my mind and body dont let me too, especially for the self conditioning and training part.

P.S dont have to read the above red para, all my rumblings. And I guess only the cheer people understands.

P.P.S not tt I dont want to go online. But I will start talking and all my things wont be done.